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Are You Awake?

Last night, I woke up at 3:31AM, after tossing and turning for hours. I just did not feel right. I went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and my face was swollen and red. I felt like I was burning up despite my temperature being low. My eyes were extremely bloodshot and I was having trouble breathing, which was only made worse by hyperventilating. I ran back to my room, and took two puffs of an inhaler I got for chest tightness a couple months ago.

Trying not to wake up my Mom, I decided to text the three people that I thought could possibly be up at that hour. My roommate, my sister and my best friend. After taking Benadryl and waiting for a minute with no answers, I debated calling 911. I was going to do everything in my power not to do that, because I hate admitting that something could actually be wrong. I went down the rabbit hole of googling my symptoms, which is NEVER a good idea. Then, after exhausting all other options, I selfishly texted my mom, knowing that she was a light sleeper and would wake up to the ping.

Me: "Are you awake?"

Less than a minute later......Mom: "Am now. What's up?"

My mom called and talked to me for 20 minutes, never once complaining that I woke her up, knowing that she would never be able to get back to sleep. She listened to me freak out, on the verge of tears the entire time. She coaxed me to take deep breaths, searched Google when I realized my temperature was really low, and reassured me that I was okay. She told me that it had to be allergies and that I just had to relax. She told me to get up and walk around, to stop thinking about it and to focus on other things. When my weed-smoking neighbors went out on their porch at 3:45AM and I started complaining (because come on, who does that even if it's legal?!), she even said, hey, maybe you should go ask for some to calm you down. Only she would say something like that to make me laugh and completely ease my nerves.

By the end of the call, my breathing had steadied, my temperature had gone up to a more normal level, and I didn't seem to be burning up as much. Between my mom's calm voice and the Benadryl, I felt dramatically better. Although I was then wide awake, with no sleep in sight, I was relieved.

At 4:30AM, my mom texted to check in on me. I apologized for waking her up and she reassured me not to be sorry; that that's what Moms are for. I laid in bed for a while longer, eventually listening to the birds starting to chirp at 5:15AM. An overwhelming sense of gratitude came over me and I started to cry. I cried because I had survived that scary bout. I cried because I just did not understand why I always got crazy symptoms out of nowhere. I cried because I have the most amazing mother in the world that I don't ever want to lose. And I cried because I can only pray to be as great of a mother as she is. Only the happiest of tears to guide me into sleep, if only for two hours.

So Mom, I want to say thank you. Thank you for keeping your phone ringer on, even though it usually irritates us all. Thank you for being my constant reassurance and biggest supporter. Thank you for listening. Thank you for staying calm when I am the most annoying daughter in the world. Thank you for continuing to answer me when I ask "Are you awake?". Whether I was at the end of your bed as a 4-year-old or am miles away now as a 27-year-old, you have always been there.

Thank you for being my everything.

Love You More Than You Know,


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